The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
by Aduross
Summary: A retelling of the events from the game The Minish Cap. Follow our silent hero as he braves Scottish smiths, clumsy mages, and a birdhat with an attitude problem. While humorous, I will try to make this story fairly well written to the best of my ability.
1. Chapter One

**Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap**

Greetings. I go by the name of Aduross on this website. I honestly don't visit particularly often, as an overwhelming majority of the material contained within is rather... not good. I also found the "rules" it had set in place to be overly strict and the majority seemed extraneous and overbearing. Well, I've been itching to write a Minish Cap retelling and I figured that before I criticize anyone else, I may as well put forth an example of my own "prowess." Don't misconstrue, I am by no means overly talented. I'm still rather inexperienced at writing, and my grammar leaves something to be desired. I would appreciate any advice offered and if you feel the need to "flame" me, then you're welcome to do so, but don't expect me to really care.

I like to put a humorous spin on most things, and that's true as well here. Though a retelling, and containing some dialog lifted from the game, some characters and events have been altered to make more sense or to add comedy. I'm aware the Smith's "Scottish" accent most likely isn't terribly accurate or appropriate, but it was the best I could manage. Anywho, please read and hopefully enjoy.

Disclaimer: Apparently, Nintendo is capable of suing me if it so be in their interest. All characters, events, items, and dialog taken from the original game _The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap_ is property of Nintendo and Capcom. I make no claim of ownership to anything aside from the writing itself.

**Prologue: Scottish Smiths, Violet Villains, and Petrified Princesses**

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_A long, long time ago..._

_when the world was on the verge of being swallowed by shadow..._

_The tiny Picori appeared from the sky, bringing the hero of men a sword and a_

_golden light._

_With wisdom and courage, the hero drove out the darkness._

_When peace had been restored, the people enshrined that blade with care._

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Master Smith heard the sound of a door opening and daintily shutting. Smith gathered it wasn't his grandson, Link, who had a penchant for leaving cracks in walls and doors. The smith stood only a bit above five feet, but what he lacked in height, he made up for in heft. Since he had been a lad he had always had a bit of a potbelly, and it'd only gotten bigger with age. Offsetting this were the incredibly well defined arms he'd developed from his years as a swordsman, and then as a sword-smith. He sported a huge, snow white beard that would have given him a Santa Clause appearance if it weren't for a pair of huge bushy eyebrows that seemed to be constantly furrowed in agitation. He often wore a green bandana, matching his green shirt, so no one was certain whether or not Smith was balding. Most were afraid they'd get punched in the eye if they asked. Smith set down the sword he'd been polishing to see just who had wandered into his home as though they owned the place.

To his surprise a young, pretty girl sauntered into the room. Crowned with shining, golden hair and exuberant, blue eyes, one felt cheerier just looking upon her. It was none other than Princess Zelda. She was clothed in her usual pink and violet dress, a blue cloth hanging down the front of the skirt, bearing the royal crest of Hyrule. The gold tiara upon her head shone as brilliantly as her eyes and the red gem in the center sparkled in what sunlight filtered in through the windows.

"Good morning, Master Smith," Zelda greeted politely.

"And a good morrow ta yeh too, Princess," echoed Master Smith. He grinned wryly. "Sneak away from th' castle again, did yeh? Yeh know how th' minister gits when 'e cannae find yeh."

Zelda returned his grin,"You don't need to worry about him, Master Smith. He'll be fine. Where's Link? The whole town is bustling for the annual Picori Festival! Link said he would go with me."

"Eh, 'e did, did 'e?" Smith's smile widened. Link and Zelda had known each other since they were little tots and Smith couldn't help but wonder if it wouldn't lead to something in the future. Link hopefully wouldn't screw up like he usually did. "Well, th' gud fer nothin' was up late 'elpin' me put th' finishin' touches on this 'ere sword. 'ave ta admit, 'e did a 'alf decent job."

He paused, admiring his handiwork. It was steel, tempered and double edged. He had spent several weeks carefully shaping it and sculpting it into as beautiful a blade as he could. He was honored with the responsibility of making the prize sword for the annual sword fighting tournament. The task was reserved for only the most exemplary of sword-smiths. He certainly wasn't going to present them with some half-assed butter knife!

"Th' lad's still asleep, but Ah've got an errand at th' castle Ah need 'im ta run. Ah got no qualms with 'im escorting yeh," Smith peered up toward the ceiling, "Oy! Link! Git up, yeh useless git!" Upstairs, Link slept peacefully. He was off in La La Land and Smith's call fell on deaf ears.

_"Link! Ah said ta git yar arse down 'ere! Th' Princess is waitin' fer yeh!"_ Still no response came from upstairs. A small vein throbbed in the short-tempered smith's forehead and he took a deep breath. Zelda covered her ears and took a few steps back.

_**"Liiiiiiiink! Git down 'ere yeh lil' pecker, 'fore Ah go up thar and shove yar testicles down yar throat!!"** _Zelda felt herself blush a bit.

Upstairs, Link's eyes slowly fluttered open. He thought he had heard someone, but he figured he must have dreamed it. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he sluggishly rolled out of bed, nimbly landing on his face.

_I think I broke my nose_, he informed the floor and pushed himself up. Gently stroking the afore mentioned nose, he staggered over to the mirror located on the east wall. A small trough of water had been placed under it as though to emulate a sink, but the water usually turned stagnant before he had any chance to use it.

Looking in the mirror, he noticed his straw colored hair was a complete mess as usual. "Rat's nest" would have been a compliment. He tried to run his hand though the mess, but only succeeded in getting it tangled. After freeing his hand, he he bent over and scratched away as much dandruff as he could manage. After the small, white mound reached five or so inches in height, he gave up.

He returned to the mirror and took another glance at his reflection. His eyes, though sporting a faint, purple circle under each, were as green and as bright as ever. He splashed a little of the filthy water onto his face and managed to remove a layer of built up grime. He flashed himself a toothy grin and decided that was as good as it'd get.

His gaze lowered to the rumpled, green tunic he'd just slept in. Dirty, torn, and wrinkled it might have been a good idea to change into a clean one. He started for his closet, when he remembered he didn't have one. Smith had told him that if he wanted new clothes, he'd have to earn them himself. Link, being lazy and undependable, could not conceive of getting a job in town. One could find a small fortune in rupees hidden under grass, but seeing as Smith wouldn't let Link handle anything "sharper than an cuckoo's egg," Link had to rip it from the ground. Too much work for too little reward.

Link let out a sigh, and gave up on looking nice for today. He slipped his feet into his worn, leather boots and tromped downstairs to greet his grandfather. To his utter surprise, Princess Zelda was waiting downstairs.

"'bout damn time you came down! Link, th' Princess 'ere says yeh promised to take 'er to th' festival!"

Link stared at him blankly, until finally he placed a fist into his hand in recollection. He nodded to Zelda with a smile and waved.

Zelda tittered and quickly nabbed his hand, dragging him towards the door. "Come on, Link, we'll be late if we don't leave now!"

"'old yar 'orses thar, Princess! 'member, Ah gots an errand for Link!" Smith called as he snatched Link's free hand, effectively stopping them in their tracks. He picked up the sword resting on his anvil and slid it into a leather sheath. He gently placed the blade into Link's hands.

"Boy, this 'ere is th' prize fo' th' annual Swordsmanship Competition. Deliver it ta th' Minister. And if Ah find out yeh took it out ta cut up grass and such, Ah'll skin yeh alive, got it?" Link was surprised that the stubborn, old smithy would entrust him with such a vital task. He nodded firmly and saluted. He rested the sword across his back and turned back toward Zelda.

"And Link," Smith added as they made for the entrance, "Though yeh and Princess Zelda may be child'ood friends, remember... she's the princess of 'yrule. Look after 'er and don't let nothin' bad 'appen to 'er. Or Ah'll 'ave ta 'ang yeh by yar ba--"

"Master Smith!" Zelda quickly interrupted, "Quit worrying! Nothing will happen! Come on, Link! Let's go!" She grabbed on to Link's arm and dragged him out. Link gave a final, departing wave to Smith as he was dragged from sight.

The smith sighed and chuckled to himself. She was a quite a strange princess. He wouldn't be surprised if Link had had a hand in making her as rambunctious as she was.

A sudden chill down shot down his spine, like a cold wind. He felt ill at ease, as though something bad was going to happen. He tried to shake it off, but decided it may be a good idea to visit the festival later. Just incase.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Zelda dragged Link down the short path to Hyrule Town, surprisingly deft in her formal apparel. Link struggled to catch his footing when they finally came to the entrance of town.

"We're here!" Zelda announced and they observed the festival taking place before them. The Picori Festival was impressive every year, but everyone had really gone all out this year, apparently the one hundredth year since the last sighting of the Picori. Streamers hung from every conceivable place streamers could hang from and balloons lined the pathways. Stalls were set up all around the square and people overflowed the streets. Upbeat, jovial music made for an excited atmosphere and even enticed a few attendees to dance. Several merchants and storytellers were seated on rugs and could barely be seen through the crowd of people.

"Wow, it looks like a blast! Let's go, Link!" Zelda dove into the crowd and headed for one of the nearby storytellers. Link fought his way over, impressed by how easily Zelda navigated the sea of people. Link finally broke through and Zelda turned to him just as he stumbled next to her.

"Link there's a storyteller here! Shall we stop and listen to--Oh! Look at that!" Zelda once again ran off, towards another man seated on a rug. Link looked back and forth between the storyteller and Zelda's receding figure before finally taking off after her, a little confused. Link squeezed his way between a number of couples and tripped over some children (one of which seriously needed a tissue), finally walking up behind Zelda. As he went to tap her shoulder, she spun around, her face lit up in excitement.

"So the Picori are real! Daddy always said they were! Oh, look there!" Zelda once again sped away, this time towards a man armed with a sword. Link sighed in exasperation and, exchanging a brief glance with the man seated on the rug, followed after her.

He trotted up to her, wondering where her energy came from. She quickly faced him, "Say, wasn't there a sword-fighting tournament today? I wonder who won this year... Oh wow! What's going on over there?" Zelda sprinted southward to a stall. Link hesitated and then walked after her, the amusement of the swordsman quite audible behind him.

As Link walked up to the counter, the man running the stall spontaneously rang a loud bell. "We have a winner! We have a winner, folks!" The surrounding group of people cheered loudly. "What do you know, it's the Princess herself!" The crowd cheered even more loudly. "Goodness, you won the grand prize in our drawing? Lucky! You get the choice of these three lovely prizes!" The man placed three objects on the counter for Zelda to consider.

"First, we have this beautiful crystal heart! Hand crafted and perfectly shaped, it's quite a work of art, no?" He moved his hand over the next object, "Next, is a precious gem! Worth a good number of rupees and oh-so shiny!" He gestured toward the last item, "Finally, is this teeny-tiny shield." He looked back at the Princess, "Well, which would you like, Princess? The lovely crystal heart? Or perhaps the gem? Though, being the princess, you probably have more money than you know what to do with!" The light chuckle rose from the crowd, but Zelda heeded them no mind, gazing thoughtfully at the three prizes.

"This shield is just too cute!" she finally decided, "This is what I want!" She picked up said shield and admired it. Link was as astounded as the crowd. What could Princess Zelda want with a shield? Even still, she could likely find a much higher quality one at the castle's armory.

"Are you positive that's what you want, Princess? What about the adorable heart, or the shiny gem? They're much nicer than that ugly little shield thing," the raffler tried to reason with her, but Zelda wouldn't have it.

"Nope! I want this shield. May I have it?" she asked pointedly.

"My, you're an odd princess," the man laughed, "Of course you can have the shield, you've won it after all. Enjoy." Zelda smiled happily and turned to Link. Link began to congratulate her, when she shoved the shield into his chest. He look down at it, bewildered.

"Here Link! I want you to have this! Doesn't it suit you?" Zelda beamed.

Link glanced down at the tiny thing. He posed with it for her and, as he thought, he looked ridiculous, but the crowd cheered and whistled nonetheless. He scratched the back of his head, his cheeks burning red.

"Yep, you look great! Very heroic. Now if anything happens, you can protect me," Zelda winked, the group cooing and hooting in response. Link felt his turn face ruddier than it was and quickly hooked the shield to his back. Suddenly, Zelda glanced up at the sun and let out a gasp. "Uh-oh, Link I almost forgot! We've got to deliver Smith's sword to the Minister! Come on!" She snatched Link's wrist and dragged him off toward to castle, his face still red and the crowd still whooping.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Link regained his footing this time and now he and Zelda sped toward the castle, when out of the blue, Zelda toppled into him. They tumbled back, Link falling onto his back and Zelda landing on the poor boy's face. Zelda snapped her head up to see just what had struck her. A small Deku Scrub stood before them, his leaves twitching nervously.

"Ow!" the bruised Princess whined, "That must the Business Scrub the soldiers spoke of. Apparently, a Deku Scrub has been hassling passers by. We should teach him a lesson, huh Link? ...Link?" She suddenly felt something talk into a sensitive area and she jumped up with a yelp. "Link! Sorry about that." She helped him up just in time for them to drop to the ground again, avoiding another high velocity Deku Nut.

Link sat up and gave the scrub a stern look. He whipped out the ludicrously small shield and braced himself for impact. He could hear battle music playing and he was getting totally pumped. He looked at the Deku Scrub. The Deku Scrub looked at him. The Scrub stepped left. He stepped left. The Scrub took a step toward him. He backed away. The Scrub spread his legs low. Link spread his legs low. The scrub--

"Would you guys get on with it?!" cried the impatient princess.

The Deku Scrub jumped in surprise and launched a nut in Link's direction. Link had been startled as well, but managed to keep the shield up, knocked onto his butt from the impact. The seed recoiled and smacked the Scrub between the eyes.

"Eek! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry! Please forgive me! By the mercy of Din, Nayru, and Farore, _please_ don't kill _meeeee_!" blubbered the pitiful little weed-gone-bad, tears streaming down its wooden face. "I was just trying to hawk my wares, but every time I tried to say something, I would spit nuts!" the pathetic creature continued. "I've had a cold lately. Everyone ran away, and I couldn't sell one single thing!"

"What were you selling?" asked Zelda, curious.

"Deku Nuts," sniffled the Deku Scrub. Link and Zelda exchanged glances. "Anyway, this is a terrible place to do business! I'm moving to Mt. Crenel!" With that, the rueful little thing burrowed in to the ground and was gone, never to be seen again, perhaps.

"I kinda feel sorry for the little Scrub, but that nut really hurt! Not to mention the rather compromising position he put us in..." Zelda's face reddened a bit, but Link didn't quite understand what she was talking about. "_Anyway_, he won't be bothering anyone for now, so let's keep moving!" Link nodded and followed after her.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

As the pair jogged up the courtyard of the castle, Potho, minister to the King, scurried out to meet them. "Ah, Zelda! I've been looking all over the castle! You should have informed me you if were going to the festival!"

"Had I done that, I would have been weighed down by a platoon of guards," frowned Zelda. She had taken on that royal tone that made her a princess. It always made Link flinch a little. It felt like someone could end up in a dungeon when ever she started speaking that way. Potho visibly flinched as well.

"P-p-princess, that's just not true!" lied Potho, "Link is adequate protection after all! Isn't that right, m'boy?" Potho turned to Link, desperately trying to improve his situation. Link saluted and smiled proudly.

"Oh? So I'm not of enough importance to call for a platoon of guards?" Zelda smirked, loving to make the no-nonsense minister stumble all over himself. Potho stammered for a few minutes until Zelda finally started sniggering, no longer able to keep up the imperious visage. Potho relaxed and shot her a annoyed frown. He then noticed the sword handle visible over Link's shoulder.

"Oh, Link! M'boy, is that the sword for the ceremony?" Potho inquired. Link nodded and removed the sword, proudly holding it out to Potho.

"Ah, a fine blade she is. Then, as minister to the kingdom of Hyrule, I, Potho, accept this blade. You came just in time! The ceremony has nearly begun," Potho lifted the sword from Link's hands, and held it gingerly.

Zelda smiled and turned to Link, "I'm sorry, Link, but I had better go. I've got to prepare for the ceremony. The festival was a ton of fun! Thanks for going with me!" Zelda winked and ran into the castle.

Potho felt himself smile as he watched the princess depart, and addressed Link, "Since you're here, Link, why not join us for the award ceremony? You'll definitely have the best view."

Link grinned and nodded eagerly. Potho smiled again and looked down at the sword. Strange, he thought. There was a thick coat of dust on one side of the scabbard, as though Link had been on his back. What could he and the princess have been doing? Some thoughts crossed his mind, but he abruptly dismissed them. They were much, much too young for that... weren't they?

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Everyone cheered and yelled in jubilation as four guards supporting a humongous chest slowly teetered out of the castle. After a few paces, they dropped the chest as gently as they could manage. The guards retreated into formation by the chest, and stood at ease. Their armor glistened beautifully, and it was obvious it had been polished recently. Even the guards had tried to look as nice as possible today.

The chest itself was a deep crimson lined with gold along its edges. The bottom was somewhat shallow, and the top was oversized, resembling a pedestal. Embedded in the top was a sword topped by a blue, curved hand-guard. It looked a little old, but still managed a mysterious aura. The chest lacked a locking mechanism, but seemed as though it wouldn't open effortlessly. Link had never been this close to the sword before. It was quite an experience.

Potho glanced at Link, smiling at the wonder evident in his eyes. "Do you know about that sword, Link? It is called the Picori Blade, and it locks much evil away in that chest." Link looked at the chest in awe. It locked away evil? Link wondered about what could possibly be sealed inside.

"The Picori Blade is sacred among the people of Hyrule. The legend has it that, long ago, the Picori gave us this blade. Whoever wins the competition earns the honor of touching the sacred blade." Potho gazed upon sword with pride. Link smiled and looked as well. He hoped for a chance to touch the sacred blade someday as well. Maybe if he could convince Smith to give him a sword...

Just then, King Daltus and Princess Zelda exited the castle. Cheers erupted louder than ever as they stood and waved to the crowd. Suddenly, the King held up a hand and the mob of people quieted down. Potho took that as his cue.

"Let the award ceremony commence! Vaati, champion of the competition, you may approach the blade!" Potho gestured to the chest and paused.

After a brief moment, a fairly young man walked in through the archway. His skin was a curious lavender shade as was his long, oddly silky hair. His eyes were a deep crimson and subtly shined with a somehow baleful glow. He was attired in a blue cowl and tunic of a fairly sleek material. Upon his head sat a dark blue cap adorned with a red gem and gold lining the brim. Even the strange cap somehow held a sinister air about it. He marched toward the chest imperiously and seemed deaf to the veritable tidal wave of cheers and jeers that flooded in from the crowd.

Zelda leaned to her father, "Daddy, he's... purple."

"Now, now, Zelda I'll not have that kind of talk. He won the tournament with his own talent and skill and deserves a chance to touch the sacred blade as much as anyone else. I'll not allow prejudice based on skin color," the King preached sticking his chest out.

Zelda stared at him incredulously. "But... he's purple. Don't you think that's a tad suspicious?" Her father had always been like this and sometimes it got on her nerves. One can only take "tolerance" so far.

"Hush now, dear. Any complaints you have now are after the fact. He's the winner and regardless of how purple his skin is, how evil his glare is, or how sinister and rude his manner is, he's the winner and we will honor him," the King spoke quite matter-of-factly and Zelda knew that was the end of the discussion.

Vaati stopped short of the chest, suddenly falling on his face. The crowd was silent for moment before breaking out in laughter. Vaati quickly shot back up, his face shifting from its light violet to a deep crimson. He stiffly brushed away the dirt from his clothes and regained his composure. He gazed upon the chest lustfully, then broke out in maniacal laughter.

"Daddy, he's laughing maniacally," offered Zelda.

"Don't mock the way other people laugh, Zelda. I raised you better than that," shushed the King. Zelda merely rolled her eyes.

After a minute or so, Vaati finished his cackling and began to speak, "Mmm hmm hmm hmm! To think it would be this easy! This kingdom's swordsman are truly a joke. Before me, the Picori Blade and the Bound Chest spoken of in Hylian Lore... This chest surely holds that which I seek!" He suavely gestured to the group in front of him, "I'll relieve you of its contents now."

The king gasped in utter and complete shock and Zelda rolled her eyes again, sighing. "Guards!" she beckoned and guards gathered, surrounding the chest and the royal family members. The soldiers inched forward, their pikes pointed at Vaati's head.

Vaati sneered, "Mmm hmm hmm hmm! Don't interfere, you peons. As victor of your contest I have won the right to touch the sacred blade, have I not? This is the moment I've been waiting for!"

"The only blade you'll be touching is the one at the end of this pike if you don't back off!" called the closest soldier. The forward-most guards charged at him, intending to drive him back.

Vaati grinned cheekily and lifted his hand. Lightning seemed to pour into his hand and a sphere of sparkling, blue light rested upon his palm, causing the armored man to hesitate. Vaati threw his hand forward, sending the sphere barreling into the poor guards. They went flying, dead before they hit the ground.

A collective gasp sounded and the remaining guards surrounded the chest. Vaati lifted his hand once again and fired, the guards in front of the chest dieing instantly and the rest thrown back. Vaati charged up a third attack and sent it flying into the Picori Blade. With a high pitched crack, the sword split in two, both pieces falling to the ground.

To everyone's shock, the chest flew open as though by an explosion. A dark whirlwind of creatures burst from the opened chest, raining all over Hyrule. Zelda growled and ran forward, a yellow light inexplicably enveloping her.

"Who are you? Why are you doing this?!" she cried.

"Zelda! Stay back!" cried her father, "He's acting out pent up aggression and may take it out on you!"

"Shut up, Daddy."

Vaati gazed at the light radiating from little girl before him. "The princess who holds that power of light..." he mused, "That mysterious power is said to flow in the veins of every royal lady in your family ever since that day when it was gifted to your people," He flicked his hair haughtily, "If I leave you now, you'll only cause me trouble later. That will never do."

Vaati once again lifted his hand, this time a dark flame enveloping it. Link's eyes widened in horror and he jumped in front of Zelda. He held his recently acquired shield up in an attempt to provide what little protection he could muster.

"Link..!" Zelda started.

"To stone with you!" cried Vaati launching the spell. It collided with the shield and swatted Link to the side, not even slowing down. The last thing Link saw before succumbing unconsciousness was Zelda's pink dress turning cold and grey.

"Mmm hmm hmm hmm... All who stand in my way shall share this fate! Now to behold the power that awaits me!" Vaati laughed triumphantly as he dramatically turned away and checked the chest. His laughter paused only when he stumbled and banged his chin on the edge of the chest. Picking himself up and rubbing his abused chin, he eagerly looked into the chest to find...

"Nothing?! Empty? Were only the monsters trapped within? What is the meaning of this? Oh well, I'm certain the force I seek is somewhere around here. I'm not in any hurry. I'll take my time searching for it. Mmm hmm hmm hmm..." Vaati cackled as his image dissipated.

Silence fell over the scene as the events of what had just occurred sank in. The King walked over the statue that was his daughter in disbelief. Potho checked on Link's condition. Just then, a voice called out.

"What in the nine 'ells is goin' on 'ere?!"

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

That's how it begins. Let me know what needs improvement and what you like, if anything.


	2. Chapter Two

**The Legend of Zelda: Minish Cap**

Welcome back! Aduross here again. I've written yet another chapter. Well, technically, at this time I haven't written it yet since I write the Author's Note before I write the chapter. By the time you read this however, it'll all be together making it a moot point. So I've wasted a few kilobits of information typing redundant nonsense. Anyway, I noticed the tilde I used to separate parts of the chapter was removed upon upload. SO I'll just have to use dashes. Gonna go back and fix that. It sucks because the tilde looked really nice. Well, whatever. I'll answer my review now.

**Ri2**: Ah, my first review! A momentous occasion to be assured. Yes, sorry for the spelling errors. It was late, I'd just proofread the chapter for the Nth time, and I forgot to run spell check. Heh, I was hoping to make a Link a little more realistically "stupid." A lot of humorous stories portray Link as borderline retarded and while that provides a cheap laugh, I'm gonna go for "fairly slow" rather than all out stupid. I'm glad you enjoyed the beginning of the story. I hope you enjoy the rest.

Disclaimer: Apparently, Nintendo is capable of suing me if it so be in their interest. All characters, events, items, and dialog taken from the original game _The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap_ is property of Nintendo and Capcom. I make no claim of ownership to anything aside from the writing itself.

**Smith's Sword, Haughty Hats, and Marauding Minish**

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Link found himself in total darkness. No matter which direction he turned his head he saw nothing but inky black. Just as was about to lose himself in the nothingness, he soon came upon the answer. He opened his eyes.

Link's tired, green eyes opened to a blurry world. He reached up to rub the bleariness away, pain throbbing through his... everything. With a yawn, he slowly sat up in the bed that somehow found it's way underneath him.

"Oh! You're awake!" exclaimed a voice to his right. He turned to see a white and blue blur standing at his side. The blur gradually came into focus revealing a young woman. She wore a plain blue dress, an frilly apron covering her front. Her hair had a cloth over it, but what Link could see of it, was auburn. Link surmised she was a maid. Judging from the room, she worked in Hyrule Castle.

The room was well sized, bigger than Link's house. The wall was gray stone, the floor beige tile mostly covered by an extravagant red rug. On the west wall, a large stained glass window allowed a little colored light in. The window portrayed the first King of Hyrule. Against the north wall, a plush love seat and the bed Link was sitting in were located. Near the center of the room a simple wooden table, a red table runner down it's center and a stool on each side.

"We've been worried. You've been out for nearly an hour," stated the maid. Link suddenly remembered. That purple, girly guy had done something to the princess! Link immediately rolled out of bed and, ignoring the soreness coursing through his muscles, he sprinted out of the room. The maid tried to call to him, but he was a man on a mission.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

His mission ended abruptly when he saw the throne room right in front of him. Odd that a guest room would be connected to the throne room, but then again the King was kind of weird anyway. King Daltus was sitting on his throne, looking rather upset and imperious at the same time giving him the strangest facial expression Link had ever seen. Noticing Zelda's throne devoid of its occupant, Link immediately scanned the room for the missing noble. Master Smith was planted right in front of him, facing the King, Potho was standing near the King, sporting a very troubled demeanor, and six Hyrulian guard stood at attention in the center.

The room itself was very large, the walls comprised of large, gray bricks. An expensive, blue carpet led the way to the thrones, which were centered on complexly ornate squares decorating the carpet. To the west was another large, expensive stained glass window. Oppositely, to the east, was the oddly located guest room and a statue of Princess Zelda. Wait a second, that statue hadn't been there the other day. Zelda hadn't mentioned a life size sculpture having been done either.

Smith suddenly noticed a conscious Link was standing behind him. "Oy! Yar finally awake are yeh?" he questioned gruffly, "Well, yar just in time fer th' start o' th' meetin'." Link looked at Smith confusedly, pointing to his right. Smith's eyes fell upon the statue and immediately he looked away. Link began to figured out that something wasn't right here.

"Ah'll fill yeh in later. Fer now, listen," the stout man sighed. Link wasn't happy with the answer, but he did as was told and stood next to the smith.

The King took another quick glance about the room, noticing Link by his grandfather. Link seemed in as grave a mood as anyone else. One would need to be taking a high dosage of Happy Pills to be jolly at the moment. Unfortunately, the pharmacy wasn't expecting another shipment for a while, so they'd all just have to deal with it. Daltus got his mind back on track and started his very rehearsed speech.

"It is as you heard and more than likely saw. A man named Vaati has cursed my darling little Zelda and turned her to stone!" At this, the King gestured dramatically toward the statue by Zelda's throne. No one was surprised. Except for Link that is. He was pretty surprised. He cried out in shock, but Smith smacked him upside his head before he could disrupt the meeting. The King continued.

"If we had the sacred Picori Blade, we could most likely rectify this curse, but Vaati's violent opening of the chest shattered it." Everyone look downward in sorrow.

"But..." continued the ruler, everyone's head perking up at his voice, "I've not given up hope! What do you know about the Picori?" questioned the King, facing his old friend and rival, Master Smith.

"Eh? The Picori? Yeh mean... th' little imps said ta be no bigger than a man's thumb? Th' ones in the fairy tales?" asked Smith, unsure of where the King was going with this.

"The very same," confirmed Daltus, "But the Picori are not legend. They most certainly, without a doubt, 100, totally, completely and for truly exist. Only the royal family knows the whole truth about them. The Picori, who forged the blade, reside deep within the Minish Woods. They should be able to reforge it to its original condition," explained the King. He sat back waiting to see everyone's reaction.

Most of the soldiers appeared skeptical. That was to be figured, he payed them do what he told them, not to listen to fairy tales. Potho seemed fairly surprised, as did Link. Smith, oddly enough, didn't seem too shocked at all.

"Wh-what?! Then we must dispatch soldiers at once!" cried Potho. Potho was panicky when it came to Princess Zelda, and the King was prepared for the suggestion.

"I'm afraid that will not work.The Picori do not show themselves to anyone but children. Our soldiers could search days and find not a trace of them," sighed the tired noble. He had a plan, but no way to implement it. If only they could send a child... Speaking of children, Daltus glanced over at Link. He seemed to be contemplating something. What could be on his mind..?

Link was in deep trouble. He knew who could save Zelda. Who could brave the forest and see the Picori. He could. He was more than able to handle anything in some forest. While he didn't like to think of himself as a child, he was sure he was still young enough to see them. If only Smith would let him go. Link looked at the man in question. Would he say anything? He seemed to be in thought himself.

"Well, if there are no suggestions then..." started the King, beginning the motion of getting up. Link realized this was only chance. He gathered up his courage and took in a deep breath.

"Wait a moment, Daltus," interrupted the gruff voice of Master Smith, "If that's 'ow it is, the 'ow 'bout we send Link?" Link looked in astonishment at his grandfather. Smith flashed him a quick smile before looking back at Daltus.

Daltus looked his old friend critically. Link? The lazy, irresponsible, no talent, good for nothing, hygienically challenged, slow witted, little goober who had an eye on his daughter? The young man who had consistently broken the various pots and vases around the castle claiming there was money inside? The ninny who had tried to drag the same golden cuckoo back to Anju's pen thirty times in a row, losing his grip on it each time? The idiot who had sprinted head first into the town's bell because he heard something good happened when it rang?

Daltus paused a moment, then finally answered, "If Link is fully recovered, then yes, I would be very pleased to entrust him with this task. Please son, return my precious Zelly-poo back to normal!" The King answered with a warm grin. Link looked absolutely elated. _After all, if you're going to be my son-in-law, you'll need to prove your worth!_ thought the King. He continued, "The Picori should know how to the create a new sacred sword from the old one. It will be dangerous, now that monsters have populated Hyrule again. You should bring a weapon along with you."

"Ah've got just th' one!" interjected Smith. He took out a sword in a plain leather sheath and dropped into Link's hands. Link recognized it as the sword Smith had forged for the competition. Link couldn't believe he was actually giving Link a sword, let alone such a precious, high quality one.

"Also, bring the Picori Blade with you as well. If they can reforge it there, it'll save you a trip, no?" ordered the King, Potho walking over and placing the sacred blade in Link's hands. It was held in its rather ornamental sheath and gave off an odd pulse in Link arms. Link had a difficult time believing this was happening. Receiving two swords in one day, one of legend no less? Using them to lift a curse on a princess? It was like a fairy tale or a video game! Wondering what a video game was, Link sincerely thanked his grandfather and King Daltus.

"Well, now that that is settled, I'll leave it in your capable hands Link," the King then turned towards the six guards standing before him. The soldiers, noticing that they were under watch again, hastily stood up straight and one rid himself of his findings while excavating his nose. "Send all the soldiers to search for Vaati! I don't want a single stone stone left unturned," barked the ruler. The soldiers quickly fled to tell the others and Daltus addressed Link once again.

"Deep within the Minish Woods, you'll find a place called the Deepwood Shrine. Clever name, no? At one time, Picori and humans shared the shrine as a meeting place. I think that would be the best place to start you search."

Smith promptly dug into his pockets, "'ere. Take this map with yeh. Then if yeh get lost, it'll be yar own stupid fault. Ah've marked the general location o' th' shrine down."

Link smiled at Smith. It was very evident Smith had planned this beforehand. Link figured he'd just keep playing along. Careful not to drop the swords, Link pocketed the map.

"I'm counting on you Link. You're the only one in all of Hyrule who can break the curse put upon my sweet little pumpkin! No pressure though," encouraged the King. Link nodded gratefully.

"Oy, donnae git yarself killed, all right?" laughed Master Smith, giving Link a hard pat on the back. Link returned his grin, then took off for the castle's entrance. He threw one parting glance back to the statue that Zelda had become. Even made of stone, her eyes seemed bright and energetic. In fact, they almost seemed like she was aware... Link dropped the thought and concentrated on his all important mission.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Much to Link's dismay, all the entrances to Hyrule town had been closed. Piles of rubble and debris made all four gates impassible. Any plans to gather provisions and equipment weren't happening. The North Gate was so damaged that they had carpenters piecing it back together! The monsters must have caused a great deal of damage before the Guards chased them out. Link hoped the residents were okay.

Since Hyrule Town was out of the question, Link went southeast of the castle, heading directly for the woods. Along the way he met some of the various creatures that had escaped the chest. One was a round, bulbous creature. It had a large, tubular mouth, thin slits for eyes positioned above it. It moved by way of four, minuscule tentacles underneath its body. Said body was a bright red, with a mask-like, white marking around its eyes. Called an Octorok, it seemed content to drag itself around circles. If Link got too close, it would spit rocks at him, but his shield took care that easily.

As he had passed Lon Lon Ranch, strangely dressed mole creatures had attempted to assault him. With yellow fur, a blue mask, and blue pants, they had surprised Link when they popped out of the ground. They would pop back into the hole they had just made and a literal tower of them would jump out. Link was rather startled at first, but he found he could easily outrun them while they struggled not to fall on their collective asses.

Yes, it had been troublesome at first, but Link now stood before the Minish Woods. As he took the first few steps down the path, he absentmindedly wondered what "Minish" meant.

The path was a little hard to see, but not enough for Link to worry. He passed a few Octoroks, but they paid him no mind. He crossed a natural bridge going over a deep ravine and abruptly found he was in foggy marshland. He thought the sudden change a little odd, but it was a strange forest so he didn't dwell on it.

His thoughts were rudely interrupted when something sticky slammed into him. The wind knocked out of him, he struggled to sit up. A shadow appeared over him, and he rolled out of the way. A large green thing landed with a wet splat where his chest had just been. Link regarded the bizarre creature creature that had just body slammed him.

It was tall, taller than him. It was bulbous at the top, gradually thinning toward the bottom. A small, foot-like appendage at its bottom kept the creature upright. Near the top of it, two large eyes spun around aimlessly. The eyes were yellow in color, with purple markings around them. Below the eyes was a thin, purple slit in its body, more than likely a mouth of some sort. The body was lime green, and seemed to be made of a thick goo.

The creature, called a Chuchu, finally centered it's googly eyes on Link. It's body tensed up and it shot through the air at him. Link jumped to the side just in time, the slimy Chuchu sounding out a loud splat. Link nervously reached for the sword Smith had given him. Before leaving the castle, Link had strapped both swords to his back, Smith's sword over his left shoulder, and the Picori blade his right.

Sword in hand, Link cautiously closed in on the slimy devil. The creature stared back at him, it's eyes blank. Hesitating only a moment, Link brought his sword down on the creature, and shockingly missed. To his surprise, the Chuchu had disappeared. Link turned left and right, desperately searching out the creature. He felt something slam into his chin and he went flying. Quickly sitting up, he saw the Chuchu where he had been standing. The goopy freak suddenly shrunk into a small puddle of slime. Link rubbed his abused jaw. _So that was where he went. Sneaky bugger._

Link picked himself up and lifted his sword. As the puddle neared, Link quickly jumped back. The puddle tried getting closer again, but Link just kept moving away. Sensing its strategy wasn't working the Chuchu reformed. Just as Link had hoped. The blob tensed it's body, as did Link. The Chuchu jumped at him and Link nimbly stopped out of the way. As the Chuchu landed, Link quickly thrust his sword into the creature. With a shriek, the blob stiffened and then melted, dead.

Link sighed, and fell back onto his butt. He hadn't imagined his first confrontation with evil would be a living booger. With that he lay down to rest for a bit.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"_Help! Help me!_"

Link opened his eyes. He thought he had heard someone.

"_Won't somebody stop them!_" cried a voice.

Link shot up. He definitely heard someone cry for help. Link picked himself up and, being the heroic fellow he apparently was, sprinted toward the voice.

"_Ow! Ow! Help...Somebody! Can't anybody hear me?_" wailed the voice.

Link reached the voice and stopped. Link stared. He tilted his head to the left... then to the right.

"Hey! Kid! You there!" cried the creature to him, presumably the voice from earlier. A pair of Octoroks were taking turns spitting rocks at the creature. The creature in question was what caused Link to stop and stare.

"_Ow!_ Hey! Don't just stand there! _Do something!_" yelled the creature. It stood maybe a foot and a half tall. It's head resembled a bird. Its beak was long, resembling a pelican's somewhat. It head a big, round eye on each side of it's head, both centered angrily on Link. Its head was topped off with a strange swirl. What made this creature really odd was its body. From its neck sprouted a cone, made of a soft, silken material. The cone seemed hollow, almost like the creature was a hat or something.

"_Ow!_ What's _wrong_ with you!? Do you _like_ watching me take this abuse?! _Help me!_" screamed the bird-hat creature as an Octorok fired another rock at its head. Link nodded in apology and quickly stabbed each Octorok, both promptly dying.

"_Phew!_ Nice work, yes! That was a close one, not that I couldn't of handled it myself. That's beside the point though! What are you doing alone in these woods, kid?" questioned the hat, looking at Link suspiciously.

Link told the bird-hat hybrid the whole story. The creature seemed to be rather shocked by it.

"I-I see. So Vaati has cursed someone, eh? So you need to find the Picori to fix the sacred blade, is that it? I see, I see..." muttered the bird-cap to himself. At least Link assumed it was male. "You know, you and I have a lot in common," Link gave him a look, but he ignored it, "You see, I, too am on a quest to break a curse of Vaati's. So, reforging the sacred blade can break his curse you say? Well, then rejoice! You've found yourself a traveling companion!" cried the the half bird, half head ornament. Link stared at him skeptically.

"My name is Ezlo! It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," said Ezlo, bowing the best he could, "Lead the way, kid! I'll be right behind you!" Link put his hands on his hips. He hadn't counted on this. Shrugging, he figured having some company wouldn't hurt. He began to lead the way, his new and very odd friend hopping along behind.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Vaati twirled his bangs in his fingers. He sighed and leaned against the wall of the castle. As he figured, no one had thought to check the northern wall. Looking upward, he pondered to himself. While he had said the light force was surely near by, that still left quite a large area to search. He did have plenty of time, but not plenty of patience. He crossed his arms and began to brainstorm. What was the best way to cover the most ground?

After several minutes, it finally hit him. _Yes, that will do most nicely_, he smiled deviously. Suddenly, a voice came from around the corner. Vaati quickly teleported to the castle's roof. Looking down, he observed a guard run by where he had just been.

"I'd better wait for things to calm down. I'd get caught in an instant with all these guards running around," he mused. With that, a strong gust suddenly caught his cape and threw him over the wall. Surprised, he plummeted to the ground and landed face first. Muttering a string of curses he vanished, biding his time.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Wait! Wait, I said! Where's the fire?! Can't you go a little slower? If you haven't noticed, I'm lacking in the leg department..." whined Ezlo as he slowly followed after Link. Link rolled his eyes and slowed his pace a bit more. They were practically going at a crawl already.

"Boy! Take a good look at me! You think I can go that fast?! " Link thought he saw a snail pass them by. Getting fed up, Link picked up his pace. The hat would catch up... eventually. Ezlo wasn't about to be left behind though.

"Augh! Brat! If it's not one thing, it's another! You're a troublesome boy, aren't you?" barked Ezlo. _Talk about calling the pot calling the kettle black_, Link grimaced. Link turned around, ready to tell the hat off. Ezlo took this opportunity and, with a mighty leap, latched onto Link's head with the bottom of his body. Now he really _was_ a hat. Link, in response, ran around in circles screaming his head off.

"There! Now you can't run off without me! Can't imagine why you'd want to anyway," called Ezlo over Link's screaming, "My... it's actually quite comfortable up here! More comfortable than it looks, I imagine. Ho ho, this will be much easier than hopping around, won't it?" Link ignored Ezlo's talking still running in circles and screaming.

"Hey! Quit squirming! Sit still, brat!" Ezlo yelled over Link. Link slowed and sat down, all tuckered out. "Ah, yes, there we go. Much better. Well, whenever you are ready to go, let's be on our way," spoke Ezlo relaxing upon Link's head.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

A while later, Link was standing before a stump. It was fairly wide, big enough for a man to stand upon. In the center was an odd crack. It was rather strange. None of Hyrule's lumberjacks came this far into the forest. There was no left over trunk around either. Link hadn't seen any other stumps as he made his way through the forest. Something about the stump was just suspicious. Ezlo suddenly began to chuckle.

"Good eye, brat! Good eye, indeed! That stump is quite important! The world of the Minish is very small, you see. You're far, far to big to meet with them as you are." Link looked up at Ezlo, confused. _The Minish? Like in Minish Woods? Who are they?_ Link expressed his confusion.

"Eh? Who're the Minish? Why, you just said... oh! Silly me! Heh, my mistake, brat," Link was getting sick of being called brat. Ezlo cleared his throat and continued, "Allow me to explain... You humans call them the 'Picori,' but they refer to themselves as the Minish! Funny how this forest has managed to keep that name..." Link nodded in comprehension.

"Anyhow, deep within this forest, the Minish built a tiny village that they now reside in. Before we can enter that village though, you need to be a touch smaller though." Link shrugged his shoulders. How was he supposed to do that? Ezlo had the answer.

"Now take a look at that," ordered Ezlo, pointing at the stump, "At first glance it seems to be a mere stump, yes? Nope! This stump is actually a portal of sorts used by the people long ago to adjust their size! With my help, you can shrink down to the size of the Minish!" Link looked up at Ezlo, clearly impressed. Ezlo smiled arrogantly, enjoying the attention, "Hop up on the stump and we'll give it a try."

Link obeyed, and he immediately felt a strange energy flowing through the stump and into him. Light emanated from Ezlo and he started chanting in a strange language. Symbols swirled about Link and he felt his skin tingling. Ezlo hopped up and down on Link's head, as though dancing. The symbols swirled faster and faster finally it all stopped suddenly. Link felt himself shoot up, everything getting a little smaller. He was two or so feet taller. Link glanced up at Ezlo, clearly unimpressed. Ezlo chuckled nervously.

"Heh, guess I'm a little rusty. It's been a while after all! Hold on brat, I'll give it another go." With that, Ezlo started up again. When the spell ended again, Link felt like he was contracting, almost as though he were being sucked inward. Everything grew around him. He looked down and realized he was in the air. Link screamed as he dropped toward the stump. Luckily, he fell straight through the crack in the center. As Link fell through the crack he saw three mushrooms conveniently positioned beneath the crack. He gently bounced on each one and landed on the ground without a scratch.

Link look around in awe. The inside of the stump was hollowed out and fairly smooth. A magic circle surrounded the huge mushrooms, glowing eerily. Most likely how the stump shrank people. The Minish seemed to be quite magical.

"Ha! Impressed, no?" asked Ezlo. Link nodded. "Step outside and see the world through the eyes of a Minish!" Ezlo told him. He pointed out a small opening in the wall of the stump, through which Link exited.

Outside was even more amazing. Just the grass towered over Link like huge, flat trees! Pebbles had turned into boulders, trees were endless towers, and the stump he had just exited was bigger than Hyrule Castle! Link couldn't imagine being this small all the time. His sense of perspective was really rattled.

"I'll bet you're glad you rescued me now, eh? I don't need any thanks though! I'm getting free transportation after all! Ha! Portals to reduce size are all over Hyrule, in different shapes and sizes. To return to normal, you just have to step into the magic circle inside and I'll reverse the spell," Ezlo explained, "You must keep something in mind now, brat. The Minish world is full of dangers! What were once puddles you'd jump in for fun, are now bottomless swamps! As your loyal companion and faithful head warmer, if anything bad happens to you it happens tom me, too! Be cautious, brat! For your sake, but especially for mine!" Link rolled his eyes, but absorbed the advice nonetheless.

Link headed westward, away from the stump. He came upon a large, rock wall. Near the bottom of the wall seemed to be a miniature tunnel. There would have been no way for Link to pass the wall at normal size, but it seemed a passage had been made for Minish! Link ran through the tunnel and after a minute or so exited.

Before him stood one of those bottomless swamps Ezlo mentioned. He saw a small bit of land a little north. There was no way Link could swim all the way over there. Link frowned and fell into despair.

"Hey, Link! Look!" cried Ezlo pointing with his beak. Link followed the hat's gaze and found there was a lily pad floating on the water! Hope returning, Link trotted over to it. It was decently sized, and light enough that he could probably paddle to the piece of land. Link worried if it would carry his weight. Link inhaled, and then jumped onto the pad. To his relief it easily stayed afloat.

"Ack! Be more care you idiot! What if it had sank?! We might have drowned! That would have been very detrimental to my health!" ranted Ezlo.

Link pointed out that the lily pad was his idea.

"That doesn't mean throw caution tot he wind and jump! Geeze, well we're alive so I guess it's a moot point. Head for the bit over land over there. The Minish Village should be just north of here," commanded Ezlo.

Link pouted a bit, but paddled none the less. After a few minutes, the finally made it, though Link was rather soaked. He walked down a wide dirt path. A fence of thick grass sheltered each side. Enormous twigs and acorns littered the path. As Link walked down the path, he was again hit with just how small he had become. He had paddled there on a lily pad for Din's sake! Now he was passing acorns that were as big as his house! He remembered collecting handfuls of them just a little while ago. Link walked over leaves that were like wall-to-wall carpets. He wondered if could adjust to being this small...

His reverie was interrupted by Ezlo shouting, "Wake up brat! We've arrived!" Link looked up and saw the bladed grass had been replaced by clover grass. It surrounded everything. Ahead of him the path continued, thinner. Arches of grass decorated the path over head. Link could see giant flowers mingling in the grass, assumably for decoration. Link continued down the path and finally came upon a west/east dirt road.

"Well, this does seem to be the village. Rather green place, isn't Link?" commented Ezlo. Link nodded and looked around. All of a sudden, small creatures came from the west. Another from a large shoe just ahead of them. Another two arrived from the west. A short silence followed. Link shyly waved at the odd creatures, and they jumped.

They were odd looking creatures, though cute in a way. They were humanoid, though they're face was more stretched and mousy with a pronounced nose. They had all black eyes and long, pointed ears. Oddly, all of their cheeks were a little flushed. They had three fingers and one thumb on each hand, and their feet were similar. They dressed in long, sleeveless shirts constructed from leaves and held together with gold buckles. peeking underneath the long shirts were loose pants made from a brown material. Upon their head, every one had a pointed, red cap. A white and red, feather-like protrusion stuck out from under their shirts. Link wondered if it was a tail or part of their clothes.

"_Pico picori_!" cried the north one. Link stared blankly. Had that Minish just yelled "picori" at him? Was Ezlo lying about them being called Minish?

Soon they all ran up to him, surrounding him. Link looked around in shock. "_Ripi ripico picori!_" yelled one to the left. Link surmised they were speaking a different language. He wondered how you formed a language from three syllables? _Guess that's why we call them Picori_, Link mentally shrugged.

"_Picoco pico ripico!_" came from the right. Link looked around at the Minish wishing he knew what was going on. Suddenly, the Minish attacked Link. Link screamed as one lifted the swords from his back. Another unbuckled his belt and relieved him of his tunic. A third Minish tore off his boots, immediately pinching its nose. A fourth pulled his white undershirt over his head and then pulled down his white pants, leaving him in his underwear. The fifth reached for Ezlo, but he snapped his beak at the imp's hand, causing it to back away.

After they had all his things, they suddenly pounced on Link again. After a short struggle, Link found he was dressed in Minish clothing. Very itchy Minish clothing. The five Minish then scattered with Link's things, leaving him all alone. Link looked up at Ezlo. Maybe he could understand what was going on, since he seemed to be so familiar with the Minish. Maybe he also knew why the Minish had just changed his clothes and taken his swords. Unfortunately, he appeared to be as lost as Link.

"I gather it's been a while since they've seen a human... " Link asked about the gibberish they had been spouting. "Eh? That's the language of the Minish. A complex language to be sure. It was a bit different from the dialect I'm familiar with. I'm afraid I didn't catch most of it. As for why they took all of you things, I haven't a clue." Link looked down sadly.

"Cheer up now! The Minish and humans used to be very close! I'm sure there is someone around here who still speaks Hylian. Let's look around. Maybe they can also help get your clothes back," encouraged Ezlo. Link seemed to cheer up a bit. Invigorated, he began to look around for other Minish. Honestly, Ezlo wasn't sure if they _could_ find anyone to help them. He sure hoped so.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Just incase you were wondering, no the Minish don't steal your things in the game. You'll find out what's up with that in the next chapter. If you care. If you don't then why'd you read this whole chapter, genius? What's that thing all the hip kids say nowadays? Read and review? Yeah, do that. Or you could review and read. I wouldn't recommend it though.


	3. Chapter Three

Well, guess what, friends? I've decided to go ahead and continue. I'll bet you're all just delighted. Gave my story a read over and aside from a few typos here and there, I rather liked what I saw which is pretty rare for me. Some words of encouragement helped as well. Anyway, let's get on with it and see what I write.

**Ri2**: Ah, glad you liked the second chapter as well. Hopefully you get a chance to read this one as well.

Of course there's a pharmacy! If there wasn't, where would the King get his Happy Pills™?

Yeah, if you collect the King Daltus and Smith's figurines, you find out that "they are friends and enjoyed a pleasant rivalry as youths," and that Kind Daltus "appeared in the

Picori Festival tournament as a youth and fought to a draw with Smith." Yes, I collected every figurine. A rather taxing process.

They're called Octoroks because Nintendo likes to confuse you.

If I remember correctly, in Wind Waker, the Chu Chu's were quite a bit taller than Link.

He is talking. You just can't hear him, like in the game.

If he can be tiny, I don't see why he can't be big, too. Maybe that'll be brought up again later in the story...

Yeah, typos...

Well, he looks like a Minish anyway...

**zoophie211**: Well...okay. Since you asked so nicely.

Disclaimer: Apparently, Nintendo is capable of suing me if it so be in their interest. All characters, events, items, and dialog taken from the original game _The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap_ is property of Nintendo and Capcom. I make no claim of ownership to anything aside from the writing itself.

**Pretentious Priests, Nauseating Nuts, and Exasperating Elders**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link trudged through the village, his bare feet growing dirtier than they already had been on the dirt road. On each side of the path was more of the clover grass, seeming to form near walls around the village. Everywhere he looked it surrounded him and everything. _No wonder no one could find this place!_ he mused to himself.

He glanced at a humongous barrel as he passed. It laid on its side and the top had been removed. A roof with a fey skylights had been built in its place. A long ramp lead from where he was walking to the top. Link was impressed at the ingenuity of the mousy creatures. He just wondered why they couldn't make some more comfortable clothing, furiously scratching at his back through the leaf "shirt" he had been clothed in.

"The Minish are resourceful, but they can only do so much with what they have," Ezlo chimed as though reading his mind, " They could make proper clothes, but only if there was some cloth lying around. That barrel was likely dropped by some sap who got lost in the woods." Link pondered on this until he saw a large, ornate building before him. It was made up of five hexagons in a honeycomb fashion. The walls were gray stone and was topped by five brilliant, glass roofs all pointed and hexagon shaped. They were like diamonds, shining brilliantly in the sun. The building rested on a body of water with a wooden pier and a hexagon shaped platform leading to an open doorway.

Ezlo and Link were awestruck by the ornateness of the building compared the the surrounding houses, most of which amounted to carved out mushrooms. Link glanced up at Ezlo for an explanation.

"My goodness! The Minish must have brought materials with them to construct this! It looks very old," Ezlo paused for a second, "Hmm, I'd guess it has something to do with the Deepwood shrine you're looking for," conjectured Ezlo, "Perhaps a Minish priest is inside! Minish priests are actually more akin scholars than what Hylians think of as priests. If anyone in this village could speak Hylian, it'd most definitely be a priest."

Link grinned and rushed through the door. The inside of the building was even more breathtaking than the outside. Brilliant, blue tile lined the floor in a complex, varying pattern. Blinding sunlight poured in through the glass roofs forming large spotlights, the tiles' color slightly faded where the light hit. A door identical the one they'd just came through stood opposite of them. Four large, square pedestals sat between the doors, and two crystal columns stood at each side of the exit. On the left and right walls, four giant crystals adorned the walls. Link wondered what they'd be worth if appraised.

"Ah! Look, Link! There's our man now!" Whispered Ezlo to Link. Link looked over where Ezlo was pointing and saw a figure by the opposite door. The figure, presumably a Minish, seemed to be peering out the door at something and hadn't noticed them. He was garbed in a long red robe made of soft, rather expensive looking fabric. The hem touched the floor and the sleeves hung down past hid hands. Upon his head sat not the red cap that the other Minish bore, but a tall, pious hat.

Link walked up behind him and cleared his throat to get his attention. He cleared it a little more loudly. He coughed into his hand. He coughed as hard as he could, sending him into a horrible coughing fit hacking and gagging and wheezing until he nearly choked up a lung. The priest continued to stare absentmindedly out the door.

Ezlo snapped. "You blasted, stupid priest! Are ya deaf?! You've got visitors here!" screamed Ezlo. The poor Minish, and Link as well, nearly jumped out his skin and into his hat. He spun around and stared and at them incredulous.

"H-H-Hylian? D-d-did you just sp-sp-speak-o Hylian?" stammered the shaken priest. Link noticed the priests eyes were tiny and squinty. Perhaps he read a lot? Ezlo had said Minish priests were akin to scholars. Regardless, Link was just overjoyed to have found a Minish that could speak Hylian.

"Another-co Minish that can speak-o Hylian? My word, I don't believe you're-ico from our-ico village." Link had been right, he couldn't see well. He also seemed to have a wee bit of an accent.

"Are you blind as well as deaf? It's obvious he's not a Minish," barked Ezlo.

"My word, you're rather-co rude-ico as well, aren't you?" mumbled the addled priest, raising a smirk from Link, "Not a Minish you say? Just a minute..." he reached in his sleeve and exhumed a large pair of glasses. They looked thick enough to burn ants with.

_He really _is_ blind_, thought Ezlo.

The priest fumbled with the glasses a bit and slipped them on his nose. he was visibly shocked when his vision cleared. "A H-H-Hylian!? My word, it's decades since we last saw one!" he moved closer to Link, studying him, "You're-ico rather-co small for a human. I read-ico that humans were giants that could flip-ico a Minish's house with but their index finger," mused the spectacled Minish, "Did you shrink-o using the portal-co outside the village? Then you can preform Minish magic-o?" Link was getting a little uneasy. Luckily, Ezlo stepped in then.

"This brainless twit couldn't preform Minish magic if I spent my remaining life span teaching him," huffed Ezlo. Maybe it wasn't as lucky as Link thought. "I'm the one who shrank him."

"Hmm?!" The priest glanced up at Ezlo, surprised. "My, what a strange creature. Some kind of magic-o talking bird..?" The priest moved to touch Ezlo, but his finger was immediately bitten.

"Keep your hands to to yourself, you four-eyed priest!" The injured priest quietly sucked on his poor finger, trying to ignore the four-eyed comment.

"Ahem," started the priest finally regaining his composure. "My name is Festari. I watch over-ico this abbey as well as the shrine north-ico of here. I'll have you know, next to the elder-ico, I have the most sacred and important task in the village." A small smirk formed its way on Festari's face.

"Che, what's so great about it? You just stand in an empty building all day and stare at a shrine no one visits anymore," mocked Ezlo. Festari had to take a few minutes to recover from that remark.

"Ahe-he-hem. Y-y-you seem to have some trouble with our-ico language, don't you? Understandable. Our-ico language _is_ unbelievably complex-ico when compared to your-ico Hylian. You could use a Jabber Nut. It's a fantastic-o nut that allows you to comprehend-ico and speak-o any language. We've produced-ico some that can-ico teach Minish. You passed-ico by a barrel on the way here, didn't you? There should be a couple in there." Festari nervously adjusted his glasses as he finished his explanation.

"Pfeh, it's probably more like you're having trouble with Hylian," muttered Ezlo. Festari visibly flinched. "I wonder if you actually studied Hylian, or just used a Jabber Nut yourself..?" Sweat formed on Festari's brow, but he remained silent. "Well, let's go, Link." Link nodded hesitantly and turned around to leave. As he passed the door he thought he could hear Festari muttering to himself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Boy, that four-eyed priest sure was conceited! He thought so much of himself. I can't stand people who think they're so wonderful!" ranted Ezlo as Link climbed up the ramp he had seen earlier. Link just rolled his eyes and ignored the hypocritical head gear.

It occurred to him that he had forgotten to ask why the Minish had taken his possessions. He shrugged and figured he could ask when he got back. When he made it to the top he found an opening in the roof with a ladder going down. Seeing no other way in, he carefully made his way down the ladder.

Carefully that is, until his foot slipped and he fell the rest of the way down landing on his bottom. A Minish who had been by the ladder began to giggle at Link's predicament. Link shot it a glare, but it just smiled at him. _Guess they aren't as timid as I thought_, Link mused to himself. The Minish, as though knowing why they were there, pointed toward the north wall of the room.

Pushing some boxes out of the way, Link headed to the northwest corner of the room. There he found a table with three strange looking nuts on it. Each possessed a small plant stalk of varying size as well as a large protrusion resembling an exaggerated pair of lips. They almost appeared to be moving.

"Ah, I'd bet anything that those are Jabber Nuts," chimed Ezlo. Link was afraid he'd say that. "Well, get on with it. If we don't eat those things, we'll never make any progress here." ordered Ezlo. Link was even more afraid he'd say that. Link hesitantly picked one up. It seemed to split along the mouth like protrusion, so he grabbed each "lip" and pulled. The nut split surprisingly easily. Inside was the meat of the nut which looked decidedly more edible.

"Hey! Don't forget me now! Crack me one open as well, brat! I can't understand them much better than you can." Link complied and soon they had both popped some into their mouths, or beak in Ezlo's case. Link wondered how Ezlo could eat anything considering he was a hat, but before he could dwell on that, he was overcome by a sickeningly sweet taste. The nut's flavor began to fill his mouth and it was a taste sweeter than any amounts honey or sugar he'd ever tasted.

"Guh, this tastes horrible," groaned Ezlo through the mouthful. Link had to agree. He had a sweet-tooth, but this was just too much. Finally, he choked down the last bit of it. It left a horrible aftertaste, reminding him of medicine. As the nut hit his stomach, he felt a sudden sharp pain in his head. It began to throb and pain coursed though his cranium with every heartbeat.

"Erg, that nut gave me a headache. Probably part of the magic. What about you, brat? Link? Hey, are you listening to me?" The world began to spin and Link's balance left him. As his knees gave out, he felt two small hands catch him. As the world faded he thought he heard someone say, "Geeze, every single time."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh no!" cried Anju. She was a pleasant, kind hearted girl who lived in a small house in southeastern corner of Hyrule Town. In front of her house was a large pen where she raised cuccos. She wore a red, button-up vest over a white blouse and a long blue skirt that sported an interesting white pattern near the bottom. Her red hair was always neat and trim and complimented her gentle, if often worried face. Romio, a young man who lived near by, happened to be passing by.

Combing back his long hair with his hand he called, "What's wrong, Anju? Cucco's get out again?" Anju looked over at him. He typically wore a plain brown tunic, plain brown pants, and plain brown boots all matching his long, brown hair. A bored expression usually adorned his face and he seldom left his house. Anju didn't know what Julietta saw in him, but he _was_ kind-hearted, though seldom acted on it.

"Yes, that's exactly what happened. Oh dear, I'll never be able to catch them..." Anju bit her bottom lip and began to wring her hands.

Romio chuckled a bit. Anju was always like this. Her cuccos were constantly getting out of the pen, but she was much too slow to catch them. He often saw Link running around trying to gather them up for her. A nice, if somewhat dim boy.

"I'll catch a few if you'd like," He offered. He didn't have anything else to do, after all.

"You will!?" Anju cried in jubilation. She immediately took everything she said about him back. He was wonderful. "Okay, then collect three in 55 seconds and I'll give you prize!" she said happily.

Confusion formed on Romio's face. "Er, why?"

Anju suddenly looked embarrassed, "Oh. Heh, silly me. It's just that Link always wants something in return when he does it for me, so I give him little challenges. I don't have very much money you see..." She explained hesitantly.

_How...how devious_, thought Romio. "Uh, well that's okay. I'll do it for free."

"Eh heh, thank you very much!" she replied gratefully. Needless to say, it was a rather awkward moment...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link's eyes slowly fluttered open. Where was he? How had he gotten there? Who was he? Why is the sky blue? If a tree falls in a forest and no one's around to hear it, does it-

"Hey, brat! You awake yet?" Link's philosophisizing would have to wait for now. He looked up into the eyes of his faithful head warmer, Ezlo. "Hmmph, stop pretending to be asleep and get up, brat." Link shot Ezlo a glare and sat up.

"Heh, he acts like that, but he was really worried when you passed out," Link looked over at the source of the voice and saw it was Festari. Link then noticed he was in a room. It was a very compact room, even smaller than his room at home and strangely enough, perfectly round. He realized the walls weren't made of wood, but some sort of white material. He surmised it was one of the mushroom homes the Minish live in. Windows adorned the north, east, and west sides of the house with a door at the south side.

The bed he sat in was basically a round, short table. A thick, soft leaf was beneath him and a thinner and surprisingly flimsy leaf covered him, like a sheet. A white, puffy material served as a pillow. Curtains hung at each side of the north window, made of the same material as his "sheet." Behind his head sat a potted clover, presumably for decoration, and in front of the bed sat a small dining table. Cupboards were carved in the walls and even wooden supports were visible.

Link was taken aback at how much the Minish homes resembled Hylian ones. He didn't think a home carved out of a mushroom could be much, but he was surprised to find out they were quite pleasant. Festari must have seen this on his face.

"Heh, impressed? The Minish are quite resourceful. Didn't think houses carved out of a fungus could be so homey did you?" Link nodded, impressed.

"What are you bragging for? You don't even live here. You live in that abbey. Which was built before you were born by the way," scolded Ezlo. Festari flinched and glared at the hat over his glasses.

"_Anyway_, it seems the Jabber Nut's magic was too strong for you and you passed out when it was wiring your brain to understand Minish," Festari explained. Link stared at him and he suddenly realized that Festari had been speaking in Minish this whole time. If Link didn't think about it, his brain instantly translated the words to Hylian.

"Heh, just noticing eh?" smirked Festari, "The Jabber Nut's magic is quite powerful. Since its magic affects the brain, most people who aren't experienced with magic pass out. Usually for a couple of days." Link was visibly upset by this. "No, no! Don't worry, you were only out for about an hour. Rather impressive I must say. You must some inherent magical prowess." Link was relieved. He couldn't afford to lose a couple of days. He needed to save Zelda as soon as possible...

"Moving on, your pet explained to me-"

"**_Pet?!_**" cried Ezlo, "If anyone's the pet around here's it's him!" Link shot Ezlo a frown.

Festari, trying to hide his smirk, adjusted his glasses and corrected himself, "I'm sorry, your traveling companion here explained to me why you've come. To reforge this Picori Blade is it? I'm a little familiar with the legend, but I don't know much about swords. I'll bet the elder can give you a hand. He's quite knowledgeable, being the elder and all. Well, I need to get back to the abbey. Farewell for now." Festari adjusted his glasses and moved to leave, but suddenly hesitated. "Oh yes, your clothes and weapons are on the table over there," he gestured toward an end table sitting under the east window. Upon it sat the items in question just as Festari had said. "Sorry about the commotion. The Minish hadn't seen a human in real life before and got a little excited. They washed and patched up your clothes. You'll find the elder north of the house. He lives up in a mushroom on top of an old log. Well, good luck." With that, Festari left.

"Pfeh! Still a conceited brat," muttered Ezlo, "Well, Link hurry up and get dressed. We need to see the blasted elder." Link nodded and started to get up when he realized he wasn't wearing anything. He pointed this out to Ezlo.

"What? So? You don't have anything I haven't seen before! Just hurry up get to it." Link refused. "Oh, for the love of..! Fine! Geeze, the youth today are so modest. Back in my day..." Ezlo continued to grumble as he turned away and closed his eyes. Link quickly dressed and admired the Minish's handiwork. All his clothes seemed brand new! They felt much better than they had before. They'd even polished the swords. Giving himself a look-over he noticed that the years of built grime was gone from his skin. Checking his hair revealed it to be silky and combed. Had the Minish..? Link decided is was best not to think about it. He donned Ezlo and headed north.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, he's certainly _elder_ isn't he?" remarked Ezlo about the old man before them. The old man was obviously the elder they'd been told to find. He was quite aged looking, his skin wrinkled and a bright, white mustache grown all the way down to his waist. His eyes were covered by his hat but by the shallow rasping sound and the slight movement of his body, it was evident he was sleeping. Standing up at that.

He wore a drab, brown robe that hung down and pooled slightly at his feet. A the sleeves hung down to the floor. Well, one did, because one hand firmly grasped a huge sewing needle, nearly twice his height. A thread, more like a rope at Link's current size, hung loosely in the needle's eye. Upon his head sat a red hat nearly as tall as he was and ending in a curved point.

Even his house made him seem important. It was much larger than the other Minish homes, nearly the size of Link's house. There was a wooden floor instead just dirt or the log and a large red carpet covered the floor with a smaller yellow carpet beneath the elder. Along the north wall were a couple of desks and stools and a large parchment hung on the wall itself displaying four strange objects. In the northeast and northwest corners stood two potted clovers. Seemed to be a Minish thing. The east wall held a window decorated with two bright red curtain made of actual fabric. A door with matching curtains stood opposite the window. Rather extravagant for the old man standing before them.

Link gently shook the elder, but failed to wake him. He shook him a little harder but still got no reaction. Before Link could go on, Ezlo yelled, "Hey, are you dead old man!?" The old man in question suddenly stirred, his head turning left and right.

"Eh? Who's there? What do you want?" The elder was clearly unhappy about being woken.

"Great he's as blind as the priest," said Ezlo irritably.

"Eh! I ain't blind!" yelled the perturbed geriatric, pushing his hat up and revealing his eyes. They were small and black, but seemed to have a lot of knowledge behind them. "I'll have you know, I've had 2020 vision since I was but a tot!" rambled the old man.

"Good for you. Listen Elder, we need your help," started Ezlo.

"Eh? Kelp?! We don't have kelp around here! You see an ocean anywhere?" interrupted the old man. Ezlo stared at him.

"Seems the same can't be said about your hearing," growled Ezlo.

"Eh? Herring? No, I don't eat much herring. They're much too large to catch after all! We Minish don't encounter many fish we can eat. I did see a red herring once though! Quite a sight that was..." rambled the obviously senile elder. Ezlo's blood pressure, if he had such a thing, was beginning to sky rocket when the Elder noticed something.

"Hmm? Eh, boy! Aren't you Hylian?" questioned the elder. Link nodded. He figured gestures would be more effective than speech. He removed the Picori Blade from his back and placed it before the elder.

"Oh? That's a mighty fine sword you got boy. Mind if I take a gander?" asked the old man. Link shook his head and stepped back. The elder gingerly picked up the ornate, wooden scabbard of the Picori Blade and began to remove the sword. Much to his surprise only half a sword came out. Tilting the scabbard, the other end of the blade slid out and fell to the floor with a clang.

After a short pause, the elder finally remarked, "Boy! You're sword's broken!" Link nodded gravely. "Well, if you want it fixed you need it to be reforged, but I don't...wait a tick," the elder looked more closely at the handle, then the scabbard, and finally at the blade itself. "Could this be..? Isn't this the blade of legend?! The Picori Blade?!" Link nodded excitedly.

"Well, seems the old fart's not as dim as he looks," muttered Ezlo.

"I heard that. The name's Gentari and I'm the elder of this village so you'd better show me some respect! Also, you don't sound much younger 'an me so you don't have any more right to call me an old fart than I do you!" growled Gentari. Ezlo just met him with a shocked stare.

"The deaf act is just so I don't have to deal with every little problem the villagers have," smirked Gentari as he placed the blade back in it's scabbard. "So, young man why don't you tell me why you're carrying the blade of legend as well as the reason it's in pieces?" So Link did.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_A couple of hours later..._

"So you've come because an evil man as turned Hyrule's princes to stone and only by fixing the Picori blade can you relinquish the curse?" ask the elder astonishedly. Link nodded. "Well why didn't you say so! For crying out loud boy, I didn't ask for your life story. Princess, eh? It's like a fairy tale or a video game or something!"

"What's a video game?" asked Ezlo.

"I don't know. Anyway, I can help you out," Link was ecstatic. "But I can't reforge the sword," Link was crestfallen. "But I can tell you where you can get it reforged," Link was overjoyed. "But you can't get it reforged yet," Link was dejected. "Before you get the sword reforged you must collect the four elements. These are the crystalline forms of the energies that fill our world. Only by infusing the blade with these energies can a new blade be forged," explained Gentari, "You've got a map don't you? Hand it over." Link complied and the elder brought the map over to the desk behind him. He nabbed a brush and made four strokes with four different colors on the map. After letting the marks dry for a bit he handed the map back to Link.

Link saw that there was a purple mark in the Minish woods, a blue mark over Lake Hylia, a red mark over Mt. Crenel, and green mark in southwestern Hyrule, south of the swamp. No one could go through the swamp, so no one had ever been there.

"Those are the locations of the four elements as I remember them. The first one you should retrieve is the Earth Element located in the Deepwood Shrine north of Festari's abbey," explained Gentari.

"Why that one first?" asked Ezlo.

"Because it's the closest of course!" replied the elder as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Link and Ezlo exchanged glances, but had to agreed nonetheless.

"Anyway, ask Festari and he should let you through. Go with caution though. Earlier this morning, evil creatures had made the shrine their nest. Return here after you retrieve the element," Gentari instructed. Link nodded grimly and turned to leave.

As he watched Link walk through the door, Gentari sighed to himself, "The young man has no idea what he's getting himself into." With that thought, Gentari promptly fell asleep.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"**_Hey, four-eyed priest!_**" yelled Ezlo as Link walked in to the abbey. The priest in question nearly hit the ceiling and spun around. He slipped his glasses on and noticeably grimaced upon seeing Ezlo.

"How... nice to see you again so soon," he muttered insincerely, "How can I help you?"

Link explained why they were there.

"Wow, so the Earth Element will help reforge the Picori Blade? Fascinating..." mused Festari. "So you need to visit the shrine? Be my guest," said Festari as he moved from the doorway. "I would show you to the room containing the element, but at the moment a lot of nasty creatures have taken residence there and I'm not what you'd call...cut out for fighting if you catch my drift," explained Festari.

"That's alright. We don't don't need some useless four-eyes getting in our way anyway," mocked Ezlo with a sneer. Festari flinched and turned away, visibly shaking. Link thought it better to leave now and quickly made his way to the shrine.

Outside he passed through another long tunnel and coming out found himself on a large stone path. An enormous stone building with two immense stone structures adjacent entered Link's vision.

"Look like giant benches to me," remarked Ezlo. It had been said that this used to be a meeting place between Hylians and Minish, so Hylian sized benches wouldn't be out of the question. Link entered the build finding it to empty save for similar decorations to the abbey. Finding a door opposite to it Link figured the shrine must be through there, and he figured right.

Before Link stood an gargantuan building. Even at normal size, it would have been nearly Link's height. It was made of white stone and square, wider on the bottom than at the top. Its ceiling was blanketed by tiny shrubs. Immediate to either side of the entrance were two columns sporting flowers. The entrance itself was round with steps going up to it. A tall, pointed arch crowned the entrance bringing home the sacred message the shrine was obviously trying to get across.

The shrine was surrounded by a short stone wall topped with shrubbery. Everywhere in the wall the grass was bright, healthy green and flowers sprouted freely. This was definitely the location of the Earth Element.

"Stop gawking and get going, brat!' squawked Ezlo and Link obeyed. Link wondered just what he would find the old shrine. Or what would find him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that's it for now. Whew! That took a bit out of me! How do authors who write chapters that are tens of thousands of words long do it? No wonder it takes them so long to update. This chapter moves away from the actual game events much more than the previous two. Normally, this part only takes a few minutes of game time, but I wanted to stretch it out a bit. I think I developed everyone's personality more this way. Hope you enjoyed it. Why not leave a review? Seriously, why not? Leave me a review telling me why you're not gonna leave a review if you're not going to leave a review.


End file.
